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When You’re Smiling And Astride Me

I’ll never try to change you
As if I could, and if I were to, what’s the part that I’d miss most?
When you’re smiling and astride me
I can hardly believe I’ve found you and I’m terrified by that

I’ve got nothing to hide from you
That’s how you live free
Truly see and be seen

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In My Bed

Wish I could say it breaks my heart
Like you did in the beginning
Its not that we grew apart
A nightingale no longer singing

You’ll never get my mind right
Like two ships passing in the night
Want the same thing where we lay
Otherwise mines a different way
A different way from where I’m going
Oh, its you again listen this isn’t a reunion
So sorry if I turn my head
Yours is a familiar face
But that don’t make your place safe
In my bed

I never thought my memory
Of what we had could be intruded
But I couldn’t let it be
I needed it as much as you did

Now its not hard to understand
Why we just speak at night
The only time I hold your hand
Is to get the angle right
Everything is slowing down
River of no return
You recognize my every sound
There’s nothing new to learn

So sorry if I turn my head
Yours is a familiar face
But that don’t make your place safe

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He Can Only Hold Her

He can only hold her for so long
The lights are on but no one’s home
She’s so vacant Her soul is taken
He thinks “What’s she running from?”
Now how can he have her heart
When it got stole
So he tries to pacify her
‘Cause what’s inside her never dies

Even if she’s content in his warmth
She is plagued with urgency
Searching kisses
The man she misses
The man that he longs to be
Now how can he have her heart
When it got stole
So he tries to pacify her
‘Cause what’s inside her never dies

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lyrics, music

Melt My Heart To Stone

Right under my feet is air made of bricks
It pulls me down, turns me weak for you
I find myself repeating like a broken tune
And I’m forever excusing your intentions
And I give in to my pretendings
Which forgive you each time
Without me knowing
They melt my heart to stone

Each and every time I turn around to leave
I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed
So desperately I try to link it with my head
But instead I fall back to my knees
As you tear your way right through me
I forgive you once again
Without me knowing
You’ve burnt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up
You say my name like there could be an ‘us’
I best tidy up my head I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love

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How far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps?
How often have you bartered with bone, only to sell yourself short?
Why do you find the unavailable so alluring?
Where did it begin? what went wrong? and who made you feel so worthless?
If they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you?
All this time, you were begging for love silently, thinking they couldn’t hear you, but they smelt it on you, you must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin?
And what about the others that would do anything for you, why did you make them love you until you could not stand it?
How are you both of these women, both flighty and needful?
Where did you learn this, to want what does not want you?
Where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?”
― Warsan Shire

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Whenever, Wherever

Out of sight
The way you come alive,
when you are all alone

Whenever you want it, wherever you want it…

Anywhere you are, my love
Let me comfort you,
your eyes dripping blue

I’ll be the night fly looking for your sin
You be the bright light drawing me in
No room for doubt, so just stubbornly keep on
But for how long?

And I can’t say no
Not until I reap the seeds I’ve sown
Not until I take that long walk home
And stare you down

Words that appeased you
Words were always,
dressed up to please you
Promising “someday”,
whispered to you so desperately all night
Walk out the door, get rid of the tells
Say it’s ok, but we’re kidding ourselves
Trick me to thinking, that you could be all mine

All the time, the way you are alone
The way you hold it all
I stalled, I watched you come down
Oh lord, I tried
And it’s still not enough

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Because this is what you do…

because this is what you do. get up. 
blame the liquor for the heaviness. call in late 
to work. go to the couch because the bed 
is too empty. watch people scream about love
 on Jerry Springer. count the ways 
it could be worse. it could be last week
 when the missing got so big
 you wrote him a letter 
and sent it. it could be yesterday, no work
 to go to, whole day looming.
 it could be last month
 or the month before, when you still 
thought maybe. still carried plans 
around with you like talismans.
 you could have kissed him last night.
 could have gone home with him, given in, 
cried after, softly, face to the wall, his heavy arm 
around you, hand on your stomach, rubbing. 
shower. remember your body. water 
hotter than you can stand. sit
 on the shower floor. the word
 devastated ringing the tub. buildings
 collapsed into themselves. ribs
 caving toward the spine. recite
 the strongest poem you know. a spell
 against the lonely that gets you 
in crowds and on three hours’ sleep.
 wonder where the gods are now.
 get up. because death is not 
an alternative. because this is what you do.
 air like soup, move. door, hallway, room. 
pants, socks, shoes. sweater. coat. cold.
 wish you were a bird. remember you
 are not you, now. you are you
 a year from now. how does that
 woman walk? she is not sick or sad.
 doesn’t even remember today. 
has been to Europe. what song 
is she humming? now. right now. 
that’s it.

— Marty McConnell, “Survival Poem #17”

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