I prefer my rants to be done in person. However, for the sake of speeding up the administration process I will have to make do with the cliché blog post.
Valentine’s Day 2013 I awoke to the following text from a guy that I was seeing off-and-on at the time: “I hope you never get married and have a successful fulfilled single life forever that is sustained only by yourself and your friends and family.”
Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too. Incredulous that any person, let alone a guy I was sort of engaged with romantically, would say such a horrible thing to me, I responded accordingly: a set of angry tell-off texts. At the time I couldn’t understand what he meant.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I received a text message from a guy I hadn’t spoken to in quite some time. The text led to a life update conversation where I excitedly relayed the opportunities that my post-graduate world had to offer. I listed off possible courses of consideration including my thoughts on why certain locations would be ideal. The guy responded, “Don’t worry. You’ll get married wherever you move.” I was immediately repulsed. Had he not just read the same message that I typed out? Why would he choose to focus on marriage as the only means of life merit? What a sexist and outdated response! My pulse quickened as I pointedly texted “It’s like you didn’t even read what I just wrote.”
What is interesting to me is that a year ago I would have probably emphasized the same topic as highest on my list of priorities. I’m not admitting to being brainwashed into some archaic belief system. Frankly, it is of no use to me to place blame on anything for my accumulated values. What is important is that I whole-heartedly believed that my happiness was going to peak in the form of marital bliss and that every moment up until that point was best spent searching for that. It sounds ridiculous as I type it out, I can see that. But it is the truth.
I’m not exactly sure what the point of this is, maybe just to point out that I’m different now. As I privately ponder the change that has occurred, possibly to be relayed in a future post, I would ask that you engage in your own self-reflection. And since I always tell my clients to actively advocate for how they want to be treated while they are undergoing change, I would like to take this opportunity to do the same.
To those who offer me relationship advice and martial optimism, I say thank you. I understand that each of us has our own set of values and that your kindness should not be taken as offensive just because my priorities currently are different from yours. To you I also say, right now I am happy. I am filling my life with the things that make and sustain happiness for me. I feel content and complete, even as a young adult in a constant state of flux. I have found that as I give and receive love in any form, whether it be through friendship, romantic relationships, religion, service, employment, or hobbies my happiness is increased. I would suggest that everyone offer well wishes for the development of love in whatever form from here on out, instead of unconsciously perpetuating a limited definition confined by a status of belonging.