Famous Last Words: LA Edition

As my graduate education comes to a close, I’ve been reflecting on what I’ll miss about my 2-year sentence in Los Angeles. One thing I will not miss is the superfluous amount of LA creepers that thrive in this Neverland environment. An array of characters varying from homeless to aspiring actor to stand up comic to homeless to investment banker to homeless (the homeless men here are very trixy) have paraded through my dating agenda and made their mark on my now fragile psyche. Some will get their own posts, if their stories are legendary enough. Others I will salute in this post of Famous Last Words: LA Edition. With men like this it’s no wonder I frequently received “You’re going on a date? Dad and I are praying for you,” texts from my mother.


“Yeah I had to move middle schools a few times because a couple girls said I raped them.”

“I couldn’t murder you because of my high public profile.”

“You haven’t heard of me? I have a big following on Spotify.”

“I want to watch you drink milk.”

“All of the commercials I have been in have aired.”

“Blonde girl! No. Not you… well I guess you will work.”

“I wanna take you to church and then to a strip club; you’s a white Kim K.”

^^^this one almost worked

“I live down the street… in my car.”

“I want people to think I’m really nice for dating someone uglier than me.”

“You’re pretty funny, for a girl.”

“When my last girlfriend was sleeping, I’d roller her over and have sex with her.”


2 thoughts on “Famous Last Words: LA Edition

  1. Hahahahahaha. If you had just included these quotes by themselves, and asked “Which major city would you guess these come from?” I would have guessed LA in a heartbeat. Awesome.

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